Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light
for my path.
Psalm119:105
Walk into a room full of people, begin talking about
money, and the chances are pretty good that a variety of strong
emotions will be stirred up. Some people may feel smug and satisfied
that they have a big income and have "made it" according
to the world’s standards. Others might feel melancholy or
anxious because they haven’t figured out how to stretch
their hard-earned paychecks to cover all the material possessions
society says they should want and have. Some in the room may be
relieved they have just enough to cover their bills and debts,
but aren’t really sure where they’re heading beyond
that. A few folks might leave, hoping you won’t ask to borrow
any money from them!
With mixed message being circulated about money
and possessions, it’s easy to get sucked into the whirlwind
of buying more stuff. Obtaining fancier cars, designer clothing,
and the latest electronics consumes more and more time, as does
getting the credit to purchase them. Instead of working to serve
God and finding fulfillment in his kingdom, many people become
slaves to earning their next dollar just to stay ahead. So much
energy gets focused on paying bills and buying more stuff that
often there is little left over to enjoy family, friends, or activities
that are really of interest. High anxiety, physical ailments,
and other bad habits may follow. In some cases, tired, stressed-out
people turn to second or even third jobs in order to maintain
their extravagant lifestyles.
Men and women both face anxieties over money, but
not always for the same reasons. "Men will be depressed and
be unfulfilled in their jobs and relationships and say they have
to be the breadwinner. That makes them more stressed, and they
go out and buy themselves something bright, shiny and new –
boy boys," says Dr. Anita Thomas, associate professor of
counselor education at Northeastern Illinois University in Chicago.
The threat of layoffs combined with overall lower savings rates
has resulted in more Americans shopping to make themselves feel
better, even if they can’t afford it. The stress women feel
about money is often tied to issues of independence, says Thomas,
who also does mental health counseling at her church. Articles
and books tell women to have financial independence, especially
in case the husband dies, and that puts too much pressure on women
to maintain a career along with their other family responsibilities.
That pressure can lead to buying sprees.
"I think a lot of women have stress that purchases
should be equal, so they can have a stake and a claim. They don’t
want the house to get divided and then they end up with nothing,"
says Thomas. And because a lot of the male gender identity is
caught up in being the primary earner, that focus on achieving
independence creates a double bind for men and women and can ultimately
be hurtful to a marriage by causing a tug-of-war over money, a
leading cause of divorce (Eph. 5:28-30).
Thomas’ holistic approach gets clients
to address their fiscal problems in relation to other areas, including
their emotional, physical, and psychological states. "It
makes them realize that financial issues have a bigger role in
their everyday life than they may realize," she says. For
couples, sitting down, discussing their concerns, and working
out a budget and a financial plan can help with other troubled
areas of their relationship. Singles can confront fears or uncertainty
about the future by taking a hard look at how much of a financial
cushion they would have if they lost their job or had an emergency.
Often stepping back to look at the big picture will put things
in true perspective and help diminish feelings of panic.
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